Can I Have Friends at Church?

Have you ever been hurt by someone that you considered to be a friend? I have, and I’m certain that you have as well. In life outside of the church walls, you can usually separate yourself from the “offender,” but that’s not so easy to do when the “offender” is inside the walls of your church.

I can’t begin to tell you how many women I have heard say that you CANNOT have friends at church. Personally, I’ve been advised not to have friends at church. FRIENDS OR NO FRIENDS? That’s the million-dollar question.

WHY DO THE MAJORITY OF WOMEN IN MINISTRY FEEL THAT THEY CANNOT HAVE FRIENDS AT CHURCH?

Here’s what they are saying…

“I’ve been burned too many times, and I finally learned my lesson.”

“I’m tired of being stabbed in the back by women who say they are my friend.”

“I have been betrayed by those who said they were my friends, and I don’t feel that I can trust anyone.”

“It seems like all the women I let into my life either leave my church or hurt me.”

“If I’m friends with some women at church then others will think that I’m playing favorites.”

Friendships at church are a complicated path to walk down. We must walk with Jesus as our guide and source of wisdom. We must walk in love and understand that friendships at church do carry the possibility of hurt and pain. However, this is true for all friendships whether inside or outside the church.

Let’s look at the life of Jesus…

ALL the disciples abandoned him in the Garden of Gethsemane. These were the “chosen” 11, and the 12th led the mob that would arrest him. These men had been hand-selected to be Jesus’ disciples and to expand the KINGDOM OF GOD. They were his friends (John 15:15) and they hurt him deeply. In his darkest hour, they left him alone. They were human, and they were flawed just like you and me, and just like the women in our churches.

God’s Word gives us this beautiful example of the inner workings of friendship. Even people that cause us pain can be a gift. They can be a gift to us, they can be a gift to the world, and they can be a gift to the kingdom. They can be part of our destiny. They teach us to “turn the other cheek.” They teach us to FORGIVE “70 X 7.” They help us grow and mature in our walk with Christ. And, yes, they help make us into the women we are called to be to do the work of God.

Although it may not feel true, there is a depth of character and a richness that develops in our lives through the challenges of friendship. So don’t give up on having friends at church. Choose them wisely and understand that they may hurt you. They may disappoint you. They may leave you. CHOOSE to be their friend and CHOOSE to love at all times. (Proverbs 17:17)

All human relationships have the potential for hurt and pain. If we separate ourselves from the women at our church choosing to not befriend them, we are setting ourselves up for a life of loneliness. This is another “pain point” for women in ministry, and I’ll share more about that next week.

Your friend,

P.S. Looking for a place to belong? Looking for a place where you can gather with other women in ministry? Looking for a place where you are understood?

Click here to join my Called 2 Ministry Facebook group.